Bio: Bella Gerard is a fashion editor and content creator living in New York City. Her work appears in publications like Bustle, Byrdie, Fashionista and The Zoe Report. She also authors the popular fashion Substack newsletter, B List.
When my partner and I first started to talk about getting engaged, we chatted pretty openly about engagement ring shopping. He mentioned that he’d always seen it as something he’d do by himself, and hadn’t given much thought to the idea of ring shopping with his girlfriend. I heard him out, but as the future wearer of the ring, I knew I wanted a say in what he picked! Once I explained the benefits of ring shopping as a couple, he saw my point and we went on the exciting journey of finding the perfect ring together.
Do Couples Go Engagement Ring Shopping Together?
It’s definitely becoming a more popular practice, but it wasn’t always common for couples to go engagement ring shopping together. Traditionally, the person proposing was meant to surprise their partner with the ring during the proposal. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this approach, but I find the old-fashioned way comes with more risk and uncertainty. Engagement rings can be quite expensive, and picking one without your partner’s approval means you risk splurging on a piece of jewelry that they might not even like — much less want to wear forever!
Benefits of Shopping Together
My partner and I found that ring shopping together allowed us to be totally transparent with one another about our wants and needs when it came to finding The One. Not only were we able to get on the same page in terms of what the ring would look like, but we were able to decide on a budget we both felt comfortable with, as well as a timeline for getting engaged, given that we went shopping together. This also allowed us to talk openly about our future engagement frequently, which we both found exciting and unifying. It felt like a choice we were making together, as opposed to me having to wait around and wonder whether I could expect a proposal in the near future.
How to Go Engagement Ring Shopping as a Couple
If you and your partner are preparing to get engaged, going ring shopping as a couple should be something you discuss before either one of you decides on the kind of ring you want to get. First, make sure you’re on the same page about budget and aesthetics. Then, make a date out of your ring shopping day and have fun with it! It’s not every day you’re ring shopping with your girlfriend or boyfriend, after all — it’s a special, once-in-a-lifetime experience you two will cherish forever, and remember each time you look down at your ring.
That said, don’t feel like you need to rush through the process. It might take multiple visits to different jewelers to find The One, and that’s alright! As long as you and your partner are communicating openly and being honest with one another throughout the process, you’ll end up with a ring you both feel excited about.
My Experience Shopping Together
Prior to going engagement ring shopping as a couple, I went a few times on my own with my sisters to familiarize myself with the names of the different diamond cuts. I also took the time to learn about clarity and carat size, so I could have a rough idea of my preferences to keep in mind when discussing look and budget with my partner. We also decided to go ring shopping with our local jeweler, as we felt comfortable in his shop and knew we could take our time and really look to him for guidance and education throughout the process of picking a diamond.
Before we went shopping, my partner and I both felt a little stressed. We were excited to kick-start the process of getting engaged, but it was intimidating to think about spending so much money on one piece of jewelry for me to wear forever. Even though he hadn’t imagined ring shopping with his girlfriend, he ended up grateful that we decided to go together. It was more fun to go through the process as a couple, and knowing I loved the ring made him feel more confident in the purchase. My actual proposal was still a total surprise on my end, and knowing what the ring looked like in advance didn’t make me any less emotional on the day of. In fact, I think it made everything even sweeter!
Tips for Going Ring Shopping Together
My biggest tip for going engagement ring shopping together is to make sure you’ve both communicated your desires in advance. If one partner’s wants or expectations exceeds the other’s budget, there can definitely be some drama — figure it out before you visit the jeweler! Even better if you’re able to communicate some of these wants to your jeweler in advance, so that they can prepare for the appointment by selecting specific stones or rings that align with your needs.
Another big tip is to be open to trying different kinds of engagement rings, even if you think you’re dead-set on one style in particular. Rings look different online or on others than they will on your finger, and you might find the shapes and settings you were drawn to don’t live up to your fantasies when you try them on IRL! I ended up going with a completely different type of stone and setting than I anticipated, and I’m so grateful I didn’t limit myself while we were ring shopping together.
Lastly, my biggest tip for after you’ve found your ring: get it insured, before the proposal! I insisted my partner insure our ring before he proposed, as I didn’t want to risk wearing it and losing it. I’m so glad he took care of it in advance, so I could put my ring on immediately! When you find your ring, seek out a reputable jewelry insurance company like Jewelers Mutual to cover loss, damage and/or disappearance. If you’ve already got The One, you can check your rate now by clicking the button below.
